notahobby | ic contact; interstellar5555

[Maxxie's reaction isn't bad, but he is confused. He knows kids tend to blame themselves when bad things happen with their parents, and part of him is assuming that's what's happening here, but he has no idea. He doesn't dismiss him right away; instead he shakes his head with a concerned frown.]

What d'you mean?

[Terry sits up now, looking down at his hands to avoid making eye contact with Maxxie, because this is it. Or... Half of it anyway. The reason he's always felt toxic and guilty and why he keeps saying people shouldn't get close to him even though he didn't exactly know why. And now he's gonna tell that to Maxxie and it's terrifying.]

Remember-- how I said I can tell you're afraid all the time?

[He swallows and wrings his hands, wishing a little that he could just get up and walk away from this. But he started it, so. Here goes.]

I can sense fears. I can tell when people are scared and what they're scared of and... And something else. [His brow creases, trying to remember what that other thing is, but he can't ever seem to remember anything except these feelings of power and guilt. He shakes his head.] I don't know what it is, but I know I did it to her. I know I broke her.

[Maxxie watches him with a worried frown, his eyes widening as he listens. It's hard for him to conceptualize all of this, but after all the things he's seen it's not like he can just deny that it's real. Especially because this is Terry - he'd never tell Maxxie this just to scare him - if he's telling him something it's because he really believes it.]

[He reaches out to put his hand over Terry's, hesitating a little because he's still not sure he can handle this properly.]

I'm sure it wasn't your fault. You probably didn't know what you were doing.

[That's reassuring, right?]

We were arguing and it just happened, but...

[He shakes his head again, frowning at nothing and everything all at once.]

I knew it was a risk-- any time I lost my temper. I couldn't control it.

[Maxxie presses his lips together, not at all sure what to say. This is just too much, but he knows he's not scared of Terry. Maybe all this stuff he's talking about is scary, but he still has faith that Terry will never hurt him. It just won't happen.]

[So he gives Terry's hand a squeeze and leans in a little more.]

I'm really sorry, Ter.

It's...

[He wants to say it's fine, but it's not. And it won't ever be. But he can manage. Now that he's said all that out loud and Maxxie hasn't recoiled in horror or told him to get out or isn't suddenly scared of him. It's reassuring, that the things he feels about himself aren't necessarily true. And he could go on for a while, but Maxxie has the broad strokes of it already and now he has the context too. Terry just has to trust him to say if it ever is too much.]

[He chews his lip and looks up, a little hesitant when he meets Maxxie's eyes, but at least he's not on the verge of tears or giving him that confused and upset look he does when he can't figure out why Maxxie's still here.]

Look, I don't need you to fix this, or fix me or whatever. I know you can't. I just... I just really need to be with someone I know isn't gonna push me away right now.

[He wants to say of course not right away, but he doesn't want Terry to think he's being dismissive. He wants Terry to know he really means it, and he has to make sure Terry knows he's really thinking about all this stuff, not just sticking his head in the sand and ignoring the bad stuff. He knows he does that with some things, but not with this. This is too important.]

I'm scared, Ter. I guess you can tell I am, but I care about you too much to push you away. I wanna be here for you, and I... kind of need you. I love you too much to leave just 'cause there's some scary stuff going on.

[He turns his hand in Maxxie's grip to squeeze his hand and lifts it to his face so he can kiss Maxxie's knuckles softly]

Good. Because I love you and I'm here for all your weird shit too.

[Maxxie smiles and grabs Terry's shoulders to pull him in for a hug. The angle might be awkward but he doesn't care, he just wants to press his face into his boyfriend's neck.]

[Well Terry falls on him more than he actually goes when Maxxie pulls him, but he settles with a quiet laugh and shimmies closer so he can put himself comfortably in Maxxie's lap and wrap an arm around his shoulders. He combs his other hand through Maxxie's hair affectionately with a quiet sigh, feeling better about this already.]

[Maxxie kisses Terry's cheek and settles in like it's for a good long cuddle, sighing happily and locking his arms around Terry. What a good boyfriend.]

[Terry hums lightly and wraps his arms around Maxxie's shoulders, it's impossible not to think about how lucky he is. These people he's met who care so deeply about him? Who are there when he needs it? Terry can't understand it, but he's thankful regardless.]

[He turns his head with a small smile to kiss Maxxie's forehead.]

I'm so glad I met you.

[Maxxie gives him a serene smile in return and brings his hand up to brush Terry's hair off his forehead again.]

Yeah. This just feels so right, you know?

[Terry sighs softly and leans down to press their foreheads together, there's a bit more of a collision than he intended, which Terry snorts a small laugh at, but he also doesn't move at all.]

... Ow.

[A true master of tender moments.]

[Maxxie truly can't help the laugh that bubbles out of him, leaning in a bit more for an affectionate kiss and then wrapping his arms around Terry tighter than before.]

ic contact; interstellar5555

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